And Other Synonyms

“What would you do if you got everything you ever wanted?”

“Well, it’d be helpful if I knew what ‘Everything’ is.”

“Maybe that’s one of the things you want: to know what you want.”

“There’s not much I know about myself – less than I know of the world. All I do know is I can stare at my reflection in the window, pressed against the river, be grateful for what I have, be hateful for [apathetic toward] what I don’t, be thankful for the gift of life and curse it all the same. But that’s looking back; that’s not looking forward.

“What do I want? To not feel this lifer’s block, in this rut, stuck. That’s what I want.”

“And are you doing anything about it?”

“I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

“Yes, yes… let’s see. Have you given any thought to what you need?”

“What, like Maslow’s Hierarchy?”

“No, no… much more spiritual… on a personal level.”

“Isn’t, isn’t that one of the needs?”

Silence ensues, he awkwardly looks at himself in the mirror, unsure of himself.

“What am I paying you for?”

“You’re not paying me anything. You’re pretending to be lying down on the couch, and you’re pretending I’m sitting up on a chair with a pen in hand, but all of this is taking place in the few square inches surrounding your face.”

“Oh, I see. So back to the point then, I guess?”

“Either that or back to the pint.”

A short laugh and smirk ensue, impressed at his quip, happy with himself, but lonely no one was there to hear it.

“Then again, probably a good thing no one is around to hear me talking to myself,” he interjected.

“So, so, back to the point then.”

“Ending another sentence with a preposition?”

“Okay then, let’s propose this:

“You’re the result of a universe creating, expanding, and lifeforms emerging, evolving, for billions and millions of years. Thousands of years ago, your needs began to be met. Hundreds of years ago, your quality of life started to increase exponentially. But you’re still not happy. You’re not being fed – mentally, emotionally. You don’t know what you want to eat, but you’re hungry. You don’t know what you want.”

“I’m unfulfilled, discontent, and restless.”

“You’re unfulfilled, discontent, and restless.”

“But if the rest of my needs, fortunately for me, are being met, does that mean I’m just chilling? Is there something wrong with just chilling and not looking for food?”

“Well, maybe for some time you’ll be fine. However, like your body, your mind needs food. You might not have an appetite at the moment, but your brain – your consciousness – your whatever-it-is will inevitably send signals that it wants to be fed – and not fed some over-processed, under-cooked, unnatural aisle-to-microwave boxed frozen food slop. Otherwise, your mind will invariably wither away.”

“So, where do I find the good stuff? What can I do to nourish my mind, nurture my soul, and other synonyms?”

“Well, therein lies the problem. You’re asking me, and I am you, and I don’t know.

“Perhaps you can begin by asking, ‘How?’ Not ‘Where’ and ‘What’.

“Because as you start to find little ways of ‘How’, you will find yourself chipping away at ‘Where’ and ‘What’. And if you find yourself chipping away at ‘Where’ and ‘What’, maybe you won’t wither away… after all, in the end, and other synonyms.”