Category: Series Ten

Still dancing, bodies intertwined or moving toward one another at the beginning of the night

Idolized, from the moment they walked in, sending and receiving glances, never with idle eyes

Listening to their breathing before the first and their heart beating afterwards

Holding them up, putting them on a pedestal with emotion, connection, and touch

Once, leaving each wanting and needing more and neither leaving because once wasn’t enough

Under the comfort and weight of the other, in the moment no longer yearning for any other

Embraced, found, at home, at peace, in the grasp of fingertips and grips of mouths on lips

Thoughts tangled in euphoric unison, minds meeting in tasteful fashion

The look and feel and knowledge of acceptance

Encapsulated in the simultaneous openness and closeness of vulnerability and contact of skin

Sheets wrapped around you and me, creating a backdrop against the night

Sometimes it’s just not your day

You don’t know what it is, what is going on, or why it is happening

You just know it’s not your day

You may have noted this immediately, or it may have taken you some time to know this

It’s just not your day

And sometimes it may even be a week, it may even be a month, or a year

Or it may be mixed in with other days throughout the week

And it may extend like this for months throughout the year

It may even change from moment to moment multiple times within a day

For seemingly no good reason

Or be a single, sudden, abrupt changeover


And the day is gone


For. Seemingly. No. Good. Reason.


Stop

Think

What are you trying to say?

For all of my shortcomings, I no longer care about making myself a better person
For all of the world’s inequalities, I no longer strive to make it a better place
For all of the emotional pain a person can endure, I do not actively wish it be inflicted upon others, but I no longer actively hope it does not
I have arrived to this point, like how I wish I’d have arrived to the end
Instead
Replace the inst with d
Living passively seems like it would be living peacefully
I hope to remove all hope from my life
Only then can I live without strife
Another time to get up just to go down
Each time the despair grows
I wish it was overwhelming for me to the point I could make that decision
To where it’d be a no brainer
To have no brain
I wish it was overwhelming for everyone
Every time I fool myself to get my hopes up again just to go down
I’m left more numb than before
Paralyzed, where do I go from here?
Empty, what do I do?
With the void inside, the call of the void gets louder
Every time
How is it not overwhelming for everyone?
I’m envious, jealous, and at this point passively hateful
I’m envious, jealous, and not ashamed of this
At least it’s not as bad as being aggressively hateful
Let it grow and envelop the world until despair overshadows hope
Let it grow until it overwhelms
The two options are to keep your head up or to wallow in misery
The third option is to cycle between the two
The fourth is to rhyme with the first syllable
If I’m living in hell, how can hell be worse
If I’m filled with void, how can the void be different
In the meantime, I’m going to wallow in misery
Until I decide, be swallowed by self-pity
What does giving up even look like otherwise
Unless it’s the ultimate form of giving up
Can I passively make that decision
Passively make it happen
Please, higher deity, passively make it happen
For me
Release
Release from my hope
Release me from my hope

There is no permanence in life
Therefore, it follows there is no permanent joy in life
After all, if there was permanent joy, would you ever be able to tell the difference?
Conversely, there is no permanent despair in life, either
But then how come it always feels like there is
When you’re in the middle of it

The only permanence is the end