Writing Your Own Ending

For all of my shortcomings, I no longer care about making myself a better person
For all of the world’s inequalities, I no longer strive to make it a better place
For all of the emotional pain a person can endure, I do not actively wish it be inflicted upon others, but I no longer actively hope it does not
I have arrived to this point, like how I wish I’d have arrived to the end
Instead
Replace the inst with d
Living passively seems like it would be living peacefully
I hope to remove all hope from my life
Only then can I live without strife
Another time to get up just to go down
Each time the despair grows
I wish it was overwhelming for me to the point I could make that decision
To where it’d be a no brainer
To have no brain
I wish it was overwhelming for everyone
Every time I fool myself to get my hopes up again just to go down
I’m left more numb than before
Paralyzed, where do I go from here?
Empty, what do I do?
With the void inside, the call of the void gets louder
Every time
How is it not overwhelming for everyone?
I’m envious, jealous, and at this point passively hateful
I’m envious, jealous, and not ashamed of this
At least it’s not as bad as being aggressively hateful
Let it grow and envelop the world until despair overshadows hope
Let it grow until it overwhelms
The two options are to keep your head up or to wallow in misery
The third option is to cycle between the two
The fourth is to rhyme with the first syllable
If I’m living in hell, how can hell be worse
If I’m filled with void, how can the void be different
In the meantime, I’m going to wallow in misery
Until I decide, be swallowed by self-pity
What does giving up even look like otherwise
Unless it’s the ultimate form of giving up
Can I passively make that decision
Passively make it happen
Please, higher deity, passively make it happen
For me
Release
Release from my hope
Release me from my hope